A tiring but an unforgettable day

A tiring but an unforgettable day

Today I woke up 'early' in the morning to get ready for work instead going to class. It's Friday and I didn't have any class today. A few days ago, I was really worried about having a really short cash to last me for another one month before my next allowance. Alhamdulillah (thank Allah) for giving me this 'rezq' (what so called unpredictable grant).

Allah is the All Generous and the All Forgiving to his servants. Like last week, I dropped my hand phone somewhere, and in my heart I was praying, Ya Allah please let me get back my hand phone, let someone nice find it. And whoosh that night I found out someone had my phone and I can get it back. Wouldn’t that teach you something? Deep down inside, I'm really grateful, not totally because I get back my two dollar phone, but because Allah did listen to me. Isn't that the best thing someone could feel? I’m not really boasting about this thing. Coz I know I'm not a real good Muslim. But Allah loves us, no matter how many people (non-Muslims or even Muslims) don't believe in Him, He still grants us whatever we want, sooner or later depending how much effort we put in it. Some people will just think or say, ha it's my good 'luck'. Most people don't believe in the wisdoms behinds everything that happens in their lives. There's not a single thing that happens for no reason at all, or because Allah hates us because we are bad people, He wants us to suffer all the time. If that's the case, we wouldn't even be here anymore. Instead Allah just spares us to live and learn in life and look for His true light and guidance. If we really want it, then He will generously grant it, His love and guidance. No matter how much sin we commit, He still spares us our good lives, and gives us the chance to look for His light. Ok now I’m not lecturing or whatever. However, I think it's really a shame on us if we think that we have to be a 'qualified preacher' to talk about religion matters, or Islam. Why can't we talk about it as part of our daily casual conversation instead of having to have to be hooked up in a formal function? I'll just come about it later after I've talked about my tiring and unforgettable day, which was today.

So, I found this job ad in uni website. It was really my day, I got it. And today, I went to David's house to start the work. He's actually selling the house, and you could have guessed how much work it's going to be. And here, I went there, all on my own (what a greedy jerk I've become, I should've asked one of my friends to come along) to his house. Not entirely for my selfishness or something, maybe a bit, but because he told me it's been cleaned a bit and I thought there wouldn't be 'that' much work. And David is not a family guy; he's living with his dog. That would have made drawn back if I were in Malaysia (something about safety). But there I was. I might as well finish the task. The first few hours I started working; it was a hell of energy poured out. Maybe coz I was just warming up, ye know living alone doesn't need that much work of cleaning and it's been so long since I worked really hard. So I had almost given up. But then I thought, 'hey he's paying per hour man, you just can't miss it'. Hehe I know I could've have just done the work slowly, delay here or delay there. Gosh I didn't do that of course. That's a really mischiveous thing to do. He's generous enough to pay $16 per hour and here he's wasting his money on someone who doesn't really deserve it. Hurm I was just smiling inside. I really took my whole energy out to scrub and scrub the floor, mop, then scrub again. Argh just forget the numb limbs and the backaches. Later. This is the real life. That really made me think of how hard the Indonesian people work in Malaysia, much worse they're sometimes underpaid for their hectic job. I felt like I was in their shoes at the moment, regardless of the good thought of being Cinderella. Haha I was all bended on the floor scrubbing it with a small piece of cloth exactly like Cinderella. That's not a really bad thought. Most of the time, while I was scrubbing the walls, the floor, I was thinking about things. And once in a while, I was talking to David. He's still living there though most of his furniture had been moved. He's a really nice guy, friendly and kind. See how generous enough of him to pay $16 per hour. The hard job pays well, so backaches forgotten. At least I don't really have to think of how I'm going to eat for the next one month. Hehe. There were a lot of things we talked about. Believe it or not, I worked for 7 hours, non-stopped. But here I am typing this thing, and still not feeling sleepy or something. I had only a few minutes break once in a while. Not that he’s monitoring me all the time. He just trusted me. Those few minutes I had coffee he made. Quite a boost for my energy. I simply get high on coffee.

There was one time, I said to him "David, can I have a few more minutes break coz I have to pray?" and he was like "ok." he gave me a puzzled look. Before that we talked something about religion and he said he's a good Christian and he asked me about Islam, my scarf and on and on. So soon after I finish my prayer, he came to me and asked "what did you pray for?" I was like daaa. But I just told him, "We Muslims have to pray 5 times a day". He said "ok, but you know we can pray at all time". Once again I thought daa. But I said "yes, of course. We can pray at all time too, any time. Only that this is the formal prayer". Then ok fine we went back to work. It was almost 6, and he said, ok makes it only 7 hours. My gosh, 7 hours, I didn't even realized I worked that long. And I just said ok. I think he wanted me to stop not because he wouldn't want to give any more money to me, but because he saw me so tired, and it's so late. That one, I'm very very sure.

And then right before I leave, he said he wanted to show me something. Guess what it was. It was a pamphlet about jesus, christianity. Hurm I thought ok. Then he gave me this lecture about how good Christian is and he said jesus 'love' us whatever so on and on. And he's sorry (not that he said it but he implied it) that we Muslims are so confined in our religion that women have to put on scarf and everything. He even said (as if he knew) that what make us pray are basically fear and the feeling of guilt of not doing it. That's about what I really 'listened' to what he said. I just ordered my mind to wander off somewhere for a while till he finished his preach. Soon after I left when I was out of his sight is tore up the pamphlet (just to make more room in the bin when I threw it). Hurm I know how some people will just be horrified to hear this. They would just get offended and they'll make a bad remark about it to people who're trying to preach other religion to them. but I've had this kind of thing happened to me before, not saying I'm used to it and get really immune to it, yeah sort of, but I'm trying to see from their point of view. I'm not going to take whatever they say into my mind, only what they're doing. I'm just so amazed how these people can do it. Why not we as Muslims start doing it? Preach among ourselves Muslims who need preaching, if you can't think of preaching the non-Muslims. But they can do that so openly, without any feeling of self consciousness or the fear of being rejected or brushed off. Maybe that's our problem. We tend to think that we leave all that matters up to the preachers in the mosques. And what about people who don't go to the mosque, don't they get any right to know about Islam, and be among the good and the right ones. I'm not really saying that we have to formally form a 'da'wah' group or something to do that, and make a formal discussion about it in a "closed-up" function, limited to only the 'better people' (who deluded themselves to think that they're better than the others who are not joining their group) and excluded the other people. Of course they want you to go to their function whatever, but how they do it just make people become more and more hesitant to even come close to them. Believe me I am actually one of them, the latter. Forsake the fact that I’ve been one of the former before; I've actually realized I got nothing more than the facts from the functions I went to. Maybe at times, when we were getting really hooked up about some issues regarding this and this and people were just so boosted about it. It simply lasted at that time, but that's that. When I went back home, I went blank again. There's nothing wrong with the knowledge I got from there, just the understanding of the people in there that really confuses me. How they really understand what’s going on. Not saying I understand better than them. Just that I don't. And it made me feel bad about it. Why would I wanna go all these time? What's the real reason? Of course to get knowledge. And I got exactly that and nothing more. No bonding with the people whatsoever. Though that’s what they're really stressing about, I never felt it. I just wondered, is it my own fault coz I'm a loner, hard-to-get-along person or whatever. Yeah I have some real strong bonding with some people because I've known them on other basis, such as my classmates, my course mates, my 'peers'. Now this is not the right time to talk about it, but I'll just let people know what I really think of that next time. The bonds formed is totally not because I go to the functions, far less because we're sisters in Islam. I probably can delude myself it's exactly because of that but for how long. I couldn't find myself to really love them. God forbids me for being frank.

Well I can go on and on pointing my one finger to others, only that the other four will point back at me. There's nothing wrong with Islam. It's very flexible and very open. I'm just saying my heart out loud how I really want to become a real Muslim and find the best way for that. Not make me like this, judging other people, and blaming them for my own lack of understanding. And here I am, feeling that I'm being judged when I would not be really certain about it. But I don't really have to wait till someone really voice out their judge mentality to me. You can always feel, because it's true or because you feel guilty about it. But no. I won't feel guilty for no reason. There's nothing whatsoever I have against my beloved religion, only against those who makes me feel like I'm not a good Muslim enough and have to suppress their bursting heart to voice exactly that to my face. Sorry. I'm just out of stock for that. I love Islam, and I want to make sure I love to be among people who'll really make me love Islam more and more, and really "work" for the religion instead of 'voicing out' and 'pointing out' whether to do this or that.

Well, that's actually the real unforgettable thing about my life today. The wisdom behind it. Not the events alone. But behind the events or things that happened to me in this short tiring day, I learnt something. And that's worth a thousand years. Until and for now.