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The New Year is approaching in a couple of days. I really have no idea how to react. Happy? Sad? I really don’t know. What have I actually gained all these time in 2005?

When you really think of it, how fast the time flies. You don’t even realize it until it fleds away leaving you far far behind, whatever sadness, happiness you feel. I am on holiday. Three months. That can actually mean my whole future when it comes to having exam within that period of time. But now being off from uni, as if being off from doing anything, which is actually absurd. As if I live just to have exams.

I admit it. I got carried away. Without realizing it or not. I did, and still am. It is just a matter of bringing myself together again.

This entry has no title. Coz I don’t know what exactly I am going to talk about. Or why. Maybe you can call it a random emotional expression. Women, can never live without showing off emotional distress.

I was browsing through the net, and as usual these past few weeks I got obsessed with this naruto anime, which is certainly not good. It is surely harmless, but obsession that does it. Well I really got to bring myself around now.

The routine that I really am not enjoying is browsing the news in my country. But certainly something necessary no matter how pathetic there are going to be, as usual. No doubt about. Sometime I got so disgusted and pi**ed off that I couldn’t stand to read it. The very same thing happens over and over again.

Recently, since my obsession with comics and anime, I realized I had neglected my readings. It’s been awhile since I got serious into reading things about Islam, like there are too many things to read that I’d abandoned all of em.

There are actually really good websites that I should have browsed everyday. It is sort of an infusion to one’s thirsty mind and soul. I totally forgot how I have deprived their rights to those kind of infusion. I realize that the only way to gain as much knowlodge is thorugh reading. Yes of coz you have teachers and so on, but you also gotta read. Like the in surah al-A’laq,1:

“Read! In the name of your Lord Who has created (all that exists)”.

I read the Utusan Malaysia and suddenly felt like to browse the article segments of the online news. There was this so called ‘reflective’ article titled “Tahun aneka peristiwa’ that reviews the tragedies and stuff in 2005, as we are approaching the New Year. Yes no harm in that tho. The writer certainly has knowledge about the currents issues so on so forth. Still I couldn’t find the message the author was trying to convey. Then I read the next article which I think is related to the first one titled ‘manusia wajar memahami bumi’ which translated to be human should understand the earth. As pathetic as the title sounds, the content was no better. What the author was conveying is that, we should integrate and cooperate the earth, or in another words love the earth and do not offend the earth.

I totally feel sick. Well maybe the author is atheist or something, but I am pretty sure he’s a Malay and a Muslim. He speaks like there is no God whatsoever and there was not once he mentioned about God. As if the earth acts on its own and has no other controlling and monitoring it. I could see how much he tried to bring the subject of God into discussion and uses common sense instead to justify his opinion, which is not justified of coz. What lousy arguments. The tsunamis, earthquake, and so on which had struck the earth are due solely to the earth itself. Is that what the author was trying to convey? Why do people try as much as they could to avoid talking about the Creator? Well of coz I am a totally no one to talk about this. Who am I to judge people anyway? I could only sigh and sigh again. To blame while not knowing them and their circumstance is just absurd.

As pathetic as those kind of articles can be, some people would accept them anyway. No matter how absurd the arguments might sound, some people would still be too blind to see the truth, coz that’s what they have been fed with all these time.

I realized the power of writing. Sometimes writing can be much more powerful than words can ever express and 10 times more influential. I find myself easily influenced by some people’s writing, be it being offended or otherwise. I also find myself touched and moved by some writing much more than when I was given a lecture by someone. How amazing that words can totally change one’s paradigm. I find that in seconds my perceptions towards something that I’d believed for so long could switch to another paradigm just by reading words, even not knowing the author.

It has been a while since I browsed through Saiful Islam. I opened it today and they some new articles he wrote. I am very moved by the way he expresses his opinion about some issues. It is casual and relaxing but at the same time very powerful in its meaning. I love his latest article about “Pendakwah mesti berminat dengan manusia” which means “A preacher has to be interested in people”. He talks by experience and knowledge which makes him a truly good author.

He basically conveys that we should understand people, and integrate with people. Which to me sounds really really hard. He mentions some good authors for books that teach about people. The thing is those authors are non-muslims and yet they talk about things that are taught by Islam in the Quran. They can even talk about the purpose of life, but only to the wrong god that they believe. But Abu Saif takes only good things from what was being written by in the books. he shows how we should only learn good things from people, no matter what their belief is. Although we call ourselves muslims, do we act like one? What does being a Muslim really mean to me? How pathetic that muslims have to learn from the non-muslims the traits that Muslims should already have.

Since the author has traveled a lot, he learnt so many things about people other than his own people. It makes him to see the shortcomings of the muslims in his country, my country. I could not have agreed more to him since I myself am in a non-Muslim country now. The aussie are much more civilized in thinking their awareness towards their surrounding. The are more sensitive in communicating and integrating among themselves. I wish the muslims would come about and change the way they think as it is ordained.

His article made me really think why I am born into this world. It is not something I don’t know, but it’s quite a wonder how every time I am being reminded about it, I jumped back as if I am being harshly dragged back into the real world after drifting so deep into fantasy or something. This world seems like a hallucination, when you sink down too much in it. You just lose it. You lose your focus on the real purpose you are being created. Like I always do. Over and over again. How I am given His Mercy to bring me back over and over again but I was not grateful. I failed to bring myself together and stay on the track to approach the real destination. I forget. Over and over and over again. Will I be guided till the day I die? 

From those two authors, I can actually make a conclusion. Those with ‘iman and knowledge’ and those who only has knowledge. How much difference it makes, HUGE! When one is equipped with knowledge and iman, he sees the world in a totally different way and live his life as a complete Muslim in every aspect.

I am just an ordinary person seeking the truth in life, which already lies in front of me. But sometimes I am just blinded, with glitterings that are fake and temporary. Even writing this, I have no idea what good it does for others or me. Or even why I actually I do it. I am a person with no knowledge whatsoever and there might be something that I only use common sense which sometimes is not sensible. Whatever it is, I ask forgiveness from Allah for my weaknesses.

Boring

Erm tgh cuti skrg...around 4 months. ..sblm cuti mase nak exam bkn main lagi mcm2 idea dlm kepala nak buat ape..itu la ini la..ha bile dah cuti terus mati kutu mati akal taktau nak buat apa..dh dekat sebulan cuti and still tak buat banyak benda..now i realize bliss of being busy..

paling sedih asyik menghantar org kt airport jek..day after day sorang2 balikk....arghh cam kalau semua org tak balik kan bestt...keje dah la tak dapat..mula2 igt leh la gi kutip buah..erm dh xder rezeki nak wat cmne..lgpon bila pk summer yang panasss gilerr nih, maleh lak nak keje.nak dudukk je dlm bilik yg beraircond nih..hehe.hibernate time summer...


a few days ago ade la jugak gi crabbing..tp satu ketam pon xdpt..yg dpt ketam kecik sekor, and ketam alien..adei takleh makan maa..so lepas balik..ntah mcmana ramai org lak mase tu..weekend. so kiteorg maleh nak tunggu lama2 kt jeti tu belah awal..pulang dengan hampa..

crabbing sambil makan2 pasta

pelik tul lagi banyak masa yg ade lg rase nak buang masa..byk jek buku2 nk go thorough tp still nk duk saja2 and then complain boring xder benda nk buat..what the..??? well that's just me..anyway kalau asyik bace buku jek cam of coz la bosan..sometimes i just dont feel like doing passive things..membace ni mungkin time nak tido ke...hehe

the weather is one thing...and money is another...yg my fren nih nk ajak wat mende selalu pk pasal duit..takleh nk salahkn pon..kenala berjimat2..tp aku yg boros jek..bile pk balik nk wat sumthing mesti kena gune duit..nothing is free..unless nk gi jogging or breeze walking which i dont feel like doing for now altho konon nk lose some weight..daaa..

the thing which i dont know whether i look forward to is my family coming here in late january...time tu kan peak summer..mesti panasssss giler2..sian laks dieorg nk jalan2 time cmni..kalau aku bior la xleh jalan yg penting xyah berpanas2..still dh plan so gotta go on with it...sian makk..igt nnti nk suh mak ajar menjahit..hehe tetibe jek rase minat..nk wat baju sendiri..cam best jek kalau dpt tgk hasil sendiri..

my fren suggest nk polish skill memasak but then..the thot of eating is really god but the thot of cooking..adeii...cmne nk kawin nih huhu...maleh benor memasak..makan suka masak malas..kalau masak suka makan suka lagi dahsyat gak tu..hehe..

erm skang tgk mnecari idea gak nak buat benda yg menarik dan berfaedah skett...asyik tgk naruto jek..hehe..tp dh abih dh pon xder dh nk tgk..maybe i'll make a review abt naruto someday..w/pon cm citer merapu but it gives me some sort of motivation beleive it or not. i dont care org nk pk ape pon.. i just love naruto..huhu..neway fatin u shud watch it...kla nak mencari sumthing nk wat for now....